Friends?

So I'm told that friends are people who "tell it like it is". Well, I have no problem with that because I do just that quite often. What I do have a problem with is when they just want to visit and revisit an issue that I'm not ready to talk about yet.

That's not being a friend. Not in my humble opinion anyway.

Friends know when you just need someone to hang out with, and they know you'll talk to them when you are comfortable. Chances are, just by hanging out, I'll feel comfortable talking about the very issues they want to discuss, but no, they push and push until I blow up and say things that I might regret saying to them.

I may well have lost one of my (former) best friends doing that very thing yesterday. I've been pretty annoyed with him since everything happened (see Ponderings) and actually haven't spoken to him since he confronted me about it. I was quite open with him, because I wanted to be, and I told him secrets that not many people know.

Now I can't even look at him. He's supposed to be a loving, forgiving Christian, and all I see is a self righteous Judge. He no longer wants to hang out just for the sake of it. If we make contact it has to be to discuss what happened and how I need help and that my other "friends" just say what I want to hear.

Well, that's not it at all. We just don't talk about it. Why? Because I'll talk about it when I'm damn well good and ready. It's not as if I haven't been dealing with the issues going on in my life. I have been discussing them with some people, including people that I hurt. I have been trying to resolve issues with them, and we're making progress.

Just because he hasn't been privy to every conversation doesn't mean I haven't done anything about it.

I HATE people like that. And then he's got the balls to write some crap in his MSN extras bit about dreaming that the speck in your eye won't get any bigger. Like he can talk. Specks, planks... friends don't judge.

On the whole, yesterday was a pretty bad day for me. I abused the daylights out of someone who screwed me over, and then gave my so called friend a mouthful. I also have tonsillitis, so both of those occasions were rather painful for me, but when you have an adrenalin rush the pain kind of disappears.

Friends... some friends. It's times like these you find out who your friends really are.